I am a single parent of twin boys one with cerebral palsy and the other brain damaged at birth, he has a short life expectancy.  

My wife passed away from cancer when our boys were four years old, she was diagnosed in April and died in July. Saying I wasn't prepared does not cover the despair. I hid my head in the sand and didn't respond to correspondence, We  also withdrew from family and friends. “I just didn't understand, We  wanted my wife back I was very angry. WHY US? 

I had stopped working to care for our children, they both need 24 hours individual nursing care .   

We soon lost our home as I could not keep up with the mortgage payments, debt was growing all around us, and I became very depressed and often thought about suicide. The only thing that stopped me was our boys needed me and me only.  

Every hour became a struggle, and the small things were multiplied as they had become of an age to notice that we didn't have things that every other child had, they were bored of our daily routine to walking around the local  park doing nothing much and going nowhere. 

Their clothing and shoes were two small by now we had no money to replace them , We was embarrassed by the looks from strangers with children dressed appropriately  for the time of year .

We know we don't have long with David, our poor living conditions in a caravan were contributing to all our health conditions, constantly having chest infections, tonsillitis and scabies. 

We had to move 70 miles to the only place I could find with the very limited income I had left. We were unknown to statutory services and other people.

No one asked questions and then we became invisible. 

I was frightened the children would be taken into care if people knew the reality of our families’ circumstances. I became obsessed with the thought of hiding away, this in my mind would guarantee the family stayed together until God will collect my son to be with his mother, happy once more. 

You may ask yourself how a normal family becomes destitute? The answer to your question is far too easily you become trapped in a spiral of circumstances that you have no control over. 

Five years ago, we had a comfortable home, two holidays a year, friends and family were all around us just an average family unit. Children went to separate special needs schools. Were they attended swimming lessons and also computer clubs.  

I worked as a tram driver, my wife * Peggy worked part time at Tesco. we juggled the care of our boys together happily. 

I had become blinded to our negative and dangerous reality.   In the winter of 2022, “ it was just an average day walking through the local park”  one son in a wheelchair and the other using his walking frame.  

It was unusual day there was some kind of activities going on I would usually walk the other way to avoid contact with people partly through shame and partly because I had forgotten how to interact with people. 

As fate would have it a group of children came over and invited the boys to the party in the park there was bouncy castles - face painting - performing arts - jugglers - craft tables - and a picnic, everything was free.  I didn't notice at first it was an event organised was by the  Special Educational Needs Family Support Group it was just like a fun interactive welcoming party.  

Looking around there was also manned information stands with no pressure to talk to people - as far as I can remember it included - benefits advice - housing options - social services - crossroads - Job centre plus - Also there were Citizens Advice Bureau - and political counsellors and MPs. radio station - counselling services – interpreter's - health visitor - tables with free clothing and shoes. Foods in bags, fruit and toys with a sign saying please help yourself.

Members of the charity we're wearing bright t shirts with their name and logo on.

Everybody had a smile on their face there, children and adults  just like mine from different backgrounds and ethnicities. 

We are an Asian family and for the first time in years we felt that we belonged.  (It was like everything we needed was on this playing field

( God had it brought us together). 

After two hours I had the confidence to approach Andrew with my children the playing happily with volunteers from the charity in my eye sight  

It truly felt like a dam breaking in my chest , I couldn't talk fast enough. I found myself pleading for help it was very strange and totally unexpected experience.

Andrew did not judge me or show me pity if he had it done, I'd would have walked away with my children.  

Everything I told him no matter how embarrassing or shameful didn't alarm him,  we discussed options and something we have not had for a very long time “choices “. 

There was no rush or pressure, we arranged to meet the following day

The night before the meeting I was planning how to mask the situation we've been living in.  

I was going to cancel by just not turning up somehow being able to meet in the park was less threatening to us than a formal building. When you’re in my circumstances you value the opportunity to make informed decisions without being railroaded or being told you are a failure and damaging your children.

I knew this could be the wring thing to do however it didn't stop me coming up with multiple reasons why I should not go to the meeting .

I extremely guarded at first and gave false names and telephone number. The five hours went by so fast Andrew had arranged for my children to be kept busy with two special needs volunteers ,we were also gave us food and drink.  

It was a start of a new beginning the old saying is true, It’s what you know and who you know that can overturn all the negative problems you have. 

We left Andrew with the food hamper containing fresh fruit , drinks and appropriate special needs activity packs for the children.

Information leaflets and booklets in my first language. I was better informed through the correspondence that had been given to me I had ask for help and interventions.

I stop feeling ashamed together we formed a family action plan prioritising our most urgent needs and that of my children.  

Within four days my children had appointments at Manchester children’s hospital with transport that was provided by the charity also given £100 food voucher and essential items of toiletries. 

Andrew with his colleague Marie came to our caravan to carry out an assessment of need. Marie made several phone calls and by that evening, we were given temporary accommodation in a two-bedroom bungalow that was connected to all utilities and furnished.   

There was food in the cupboard's, toys and games for the children even a television, my mobile phone was topped up with £30 pounds.  

On the 2nd week the children were back in full time education with new uniforms and shoes, and free school meals also placements in the after school club these were also provided.

The special educational needs department also arranged transport to get to from school. 

Phillip is one of the SEN-FSG charities many volunteers who sat with me and helped me to apply for a range of benefits we were entitled too. I just didn't know that they even existed with no computer or internet access many of the services that are supposed to be available to family in needs are Not accessible if you cannot use IT – If you cannot read and you don’t have computers connected to the Internet .   

Eventually social housing gave us a permanent tenancy in a adapted bungalow, it been furnished from local charities shops that work with the SEN-FSG. There is a garden and patio door so my sons can enjoy the fresh air.

I am now back in part time employment and offer my time as a volunteer on the telephone helpline for the charity.  

Counselling is being provided to help us all overcome the death of my children’s mother and my life partner  preparing for the time when my son will pass away.   

There has been an improvement in all our physical and mental health.  

Special education needs families support group is a non-stop support network they providing multiple services when families like ours need them the most.